This weekend I had to work. Usually when I work the whole weekend I write in a notebook my blog for the week and then type it all up on Monday for publishing. But this weekend, I was uninspired, unmotivated and unimpressed with most things in life. I don’t have a good excuse for this, I just simply have that “Bla” feeling this week. I am tired, and burnt out on so many levels in so many ways. I just want to turn my mind off for a few days and thankfully I have the next couple of days off. Working 12 hour shifts is nice this way. You work a few days, sleep for half a day (hopefully) after and then have a few days before going back to work again.
I selfishly want these days to be my own. I am so tired of always having something to do or somewhere to go or someone to take care of. Don’t get me wrong, I love my OB job, and I am excited for all the new babies I get to care for, but I also just want to sit on the couch at home, with all the lights off, Audiobook or TV going while I wrap myself into a blanket burrito. I don’t even want the company of my dogs. I feel guilty about this feeling, but really why should I? Why do we feel bad when we “check out” for a day?
We all need to take a break, sometimes its five seconds in the bathroom to just breathe, and sometimes we get a rare opportunity to just hole up in a dark corner of our houses for an hour or two, but we are guilted for a list of reasons by other. Oh you didn’t clean your house on your one day off? You didn’t run all your errands today, you waited to drag your family out on a saturday to the store? You want a night to yourself to watch what you want to watch? or to just lay in a hammock in the yard the one day this week it isn’t 100 degrees out? Why do we all base our actions and daily activities on what others think? Well guess what, those who you think are judging you, also feel the same way. They too, want the day off. They too wish for a quiet moment, secretly, and too afraid to admit they feel guilty too.
Well, I am here to tell you don’t feel guilty, don’t care what others think, take your break. The last thing your family needs is an outburst of anger or depression because you were burnt out and only fumes remain. I’m not saying let your house go to shambles, and ignore your life duties. I am simply saying, If you did the dishes yesterday after dinner, and tonight you have a choice to let them soak while you go take a bath, or do dishes and go straight to bed; I’m telling you to go take that bath with the door closed and some candles and maybe a radio (far away from the tub because water and electricity don’t mix). The dishes will be there tomorrow night after dinner, and you will be a less stressed and more pleasant person to be around tomorrow.
So, Yes, I cleaned my house this AM, but I put a limit on it. I said I would do what I could until noon. Then stop, and take the afternoon to listen to a book while wrapped as a burrito in my freshly laundered blanket. And maybe, just maybe, I will let one of my dogs cuddle with me.